With the new school year in full swing, it's a good time to think about bullying and the effect it has on our children. There have been several tragic high profile cases of bullying in the news recently. For the victims of school yard bullying, the experience can be a nightmare, with long lasting consequences for their self esteem, education and socialization. For the perpetrators, it can be a sign of serious social pathology. According to the Family and Work Institute, one-third of all kids are bullied at least once a month, while many more witness it on a regular basis.
The victims of bullying are often targeted due to some perceived difference between themselves and other classmates. The difference can be a matter of appearance, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, family income or a host of other factors. Exceptionally bright students are sometimes targeted.
Bullying also teaches the perpetrators that violence and aggression are effective methods of getting their way. If not checked, bullying behavior can lead to more serious criminal behavior in adulthood. According to a study by the crime prevention group Fight Crime: Invest in Kids, 60 percent of bullies were convicted of at least one crime by the time they were 24, while 40 percent had three or more convictions.
Bullying can take many forms, from outright threats and assaultive behavior to more subtle forms of social ostracism. Common forms of bullying include fighting, threatening, name calling, teasing and rejection. It often involves an imbalance of power whether it's physical size or social status. Even though it may not seem to be as big a problem as bringing a gun or other weapon to school, or drug abuse, its effects can be severe and long lasting. According to the National Education Association, nearly 160,000 students a day miss school because of bullying.
Parents can play a central role to preventing bullying and stopping it when it happens. Here are a few suggestions for parents from the National Crime Prevention Council (NCPC): Teach kids to solve problems without using violence and praise them when they do. Give children positive feedback when they behave well to help them build self-esteem. Help give them the self-confidence to stand up for what they believe in. Ask your children about their day and listen to them talk about school, social events, their classmates, and any problems they have. Take bullying seriously. Many kids are embarrassed to say they have been bullied. You may only have one chance to step in and help. If you see any bullying, stop it right away, even if your child is the one doing the bullying. Encourage your child to help others who need it. Don't bully your children or bully others in front of them. Many times kids who are bullied at home react by bullying other kids. If your children see you hit, ridicule, or gossip about someone else, they are also more likely to do so themselves. Support bully prevention programs in your child's school. If your school doesn't have one, consider starting one with other parents, teachers, and concerned adults.
As hard as it can sometimes be for a parent to know if his child is being bullied, it can be even harder for parents to recognize the signs that their child might be a bully. According to the NCPC indictors may include: A lack of empathy or sympathy with others; over-valuation of aggression; needing to be in charge; being an arrogant winner and a sore loser; often fighting with brothers and sisters; or poor impulse control.
If you think your child may be a bully, the NCPC suggests the following: Take it seriously. Don't treat bullying as a passing phase. Even if you're not worried about long-lasting effects on your child, another child is being hurt. Talk to your child to find out why he or she is bullying. Often, children bully when they feel sad, angry, lonely or insecure, and many times major changes at home or school may bring on these feelings. Help build empathy for others and talk to your child about how it feels to be bullied. Ask a teacher or a school counselor if your child is facing any problems at school, such as if your child is struggling with a particular subject or has difficulty making friends. Ask them for advice on how you and your child can work through the problem. Ask yourself if someone at home is bullying your child. Often, kids who bully are bullied themselves by a parent, family member or another adult.
School yard bullying can be a serious problem. All parents should be alert to the signs of bullying and be prepared to intervene when their children show signs of being victims or perpetrators.